“Guilt feels like a weight on my chest,” says the physical therapist. “We are expected to above and beyond our daily work with clients.
We are expected to research, contribute to scholarship, earn grants – all on our own time.
There’s so much more that needs to be done, and I believe everyone, regardless of background, should get the treatment they need.” However, with stakes this high, burnout feels imminent. “On one hand,” she explained, “I am proud to be an expert in a niche field, but on the other hand, I’m made to feel overworked and underappreciated.”
She goes on to explain how many in her field love the work they do, and want to help their client progress, but at what cost?
If this passion could translate into a dream job away from physical therapy, the same love would arrive by running a dog rescue where each animal heals and grows at its own pace, where they can roam together or swim alone in peace.
Rescue
Isn’t greatness the ability to give
above and beyond, beyond, and beyond?
Isn’t the work we do the giving,
despite its heaviness,
despite one’s own needs which
sit dense and tight like guilt?
Isn’t that what greatness requires?
Why else am I still going?
It’s as if we’ve been told,
there’s more to greatness than
greatness. As if greatness is
a pill we swallow every day,
and a horizon stretching
wider than it was yesterday, as if
it all keeps expanding because
we believe it to exist, believe its power
with each grant, each patient,
each course taught, each spark
tamed into a light bulb
expected to burn forever.
But what if greatness is
abandon, freedom?
In some imaginary future, picture
wide acres, dogs rescued and newly
un-domesticated running in a pack,
their freedom like Florida dust
settled on their coats, paws callused
and churning in a shallow pool
where each creature howls an
indulgent karaoke to the moon.
How each good dog barks its good
throat into good song, into good peace.
She wanted to help people feel comfortable and transform the shame around colon issues. "I want to talk about things that matter, the things people don't want to discuss. I want to help them feel okay talking about it."
When we met, she was coming off a stretch of nine 14-hour shifts. She was tired but in good spirits.
She reflected on how her resilience was born from moments of shared mirth amid life's trying chapters.
“Life is complex and dirty, but digging in is important to me,” she said. “Maybe if more of us understood history, we could understand each other better.”
We are expected to research, contribute to scholarship, earn grants – all on our own time.
We are expected to research, contribute to scholarship, earn grants – all on our own time.
Every day, I try to see through the patient lens, and I ask: what can we do to change this broken system?
She was very proud of her daughter and has hopes for “a bright future that’s as pain free as possible”
“I’m trying to focus on doing little things to make people feel better during everything that’s going on in the world,” she told me.
“It’s hard to see others struggle,” she said. “How can I help with their struggle without struggling myself?”
"I'd tell her it's OK to be loud...it's OK to challenge and to bring all of you into these spaces where no one looks like you..."
“I'm continuously questioning: did I do it right?" she said. "I’ve always done a good amount of second-guessing, but I’m re-learning how to show up differently.”
“It’s weird,” she said. “This is one of the biggest accomplishments of my life, but it doesn’t feel like it.”
"It changed me; It changed the way I look at life," said this woman about her profound experience during her pregnancy.
“It’s been more challenging than normal lately,” she said. “I’m only one person. It's a struggle for me to say no, but I can’t do everything that’s being asked of me right now.”
"I've been processing how to make the most of the small amount of life we have to live," said this physician.
"I've been processing how to make the most of the small amount of life we have to live," said this physician.
“I like feeling small,” he told me. “Nature has always made me feel small.” He described the sense of wonder that feeling gave him.
“I feel like I have decision fatigue,” she told me. It was normal for her to make many choices at work, but COVID had dramatically increased the number of medical decisions she had to make at home.
“I know ‘vibe’ is kind of a nonspecific term, but I think about people’s vibes all the time,” he said.“ Sometimes you come into a room and it’s just off.
This physician discussed being the only one in his practice network with expertise in patients with a specific type of chronic pain.
“Our constituents are uniquely affected by the pandemic,” they said. This poemee was an educational psychologist who spoke about how much they missed working in person with med students, healthcare staff, and medical educators.