Crab Shell, a poem
When we met, she was in her first year of residency and had just finished an 80-hour workweek. "It's been hard to lean into the excitement," she said.
Growing up in a rural town, adjusting to city life was tough. "I have strong connections to rural communities," she shared.
To cope with the demands of residency, she ran. "Running helps me reset. I value the brightness and warmth of the sun, but my favorite run is when it's raining, and the sun is out. It gives me back more than I give."
When asked why she chose medicine, she said her motivation changes over time, but she was drawn to the intersection of science and service. Aspiring to be a colorectal surgeon, she liked the physical labor aspect of surgery, a mindset rooted in her upbringing on a farm. "I would choose it again, but think hard about it," she admitted. "We grew corn and soybeans and raised pigs," she said. "As a kid, I was always dirty. People are surprised to discover I'm into fashion and art now, but where I come from is the most important part of my life."
On why she chose colorectal surgery, she explained that the colon is an intimate and essential part of the body that people often ignore due to self-consciousness. "It’s being human at our most vulnerable. Poo is taboo, but everyone does it. It’s natural," she said.
She wanted to help people feel comfortable and transform the shame around colon issues. "I want to talk about things that matter, the things people don't want to discuss. I want to help them feel okay talking about it."
Crab Shell
As children
we’d played in the mud like pigs.
We didn’t claim manners
but our revelry
and bathed in dank soil
between snort and squeal
to retreat from searching for ways
to reinvent ourselves.
Our impolite bodies belonged
to the Earth.
Now I run through sunbeams and raindrops.
Dragging my shoelaces through the mud
collecting in puddles on sidewalks.
Secretly hoping they ripple through the civility of our self-image.
And when my rubber soles
bounce off the concrete
I draw strength and energy from the alliance.
It’s assurance that
our bodies still belong
to the Earth.
We may try hard to be polite
but we still need to shit to live a healthy life.
After the rain
I inhale the mingled scent of
wet terra and pavement
to humanize my mindset.
I see nature in Us.
But to find us in the world...well
This house of flesh and bone we inhabit
is a crab shell.
Invincible in its shameless vulnerability.
When we are in it
without disguise
perhaps we can arrive
home.
