what gives

“It’s hard to see others struggle,” she said. “How can I help with their struggle without struggling myself?”

This weighed on her, but she also wondered if it was her responsibility, and how she could let go if she couldn’t help.

Even though she felt pulled in all directions, she intended to keep pushing forward with intention and positivity in all areas of her life.

Listener Poet Jenny Hegland

Salinas Valley Memorial Healthcare System

May 2022

pulsing

pulling

forward, then back

cathartic --- chaotic

possible --- probable

hurtful --- helpful

caring --- carrying

a crowd

a black cloud

a rope of truth

in me, in you

there’s always

more good

to give

More Poems & Stories

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Rooted

“I always believe, no matter what the doctor says, that I will be cured,” she says as her sister sits next to her.

Everyday

“I was at a crossroads about what to do with the rest of my life.”

Prayer for Peace

For many years, this patient has avoided confrontation in pursuit of peace.

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The Mind is a Rabbit Making Warrens of its Grief

“I wonder if these medical professionals, in caring for people who face such insurmountable odds, walk around all the time carrying this weight I’m hauling now.”

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Just Maybe

His empathy only reminded him that he could not help those in pain.

Kunal’s Kavita

He had been trying to cope with the grief ever since and was on a quest for soul-searching and meaning-making.

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Tinder

She spoke about the ways this traumatic event shaped who she is today: a person with an “unshakeable peace” born of deep faith,

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Caterpillar? No, Butterfly

"I don’t know what I’m doing,” but this time, she admonished the negative self-talk.

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Crab Shell

She wanted to help people feel comfortable and transform the shame around colon issues. "I want to talk about things that matter, the things people don't want to discuss.

Bedside

"Death, in many ways, ignites new life for the ones left behind."

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A Good View

When we met, she was coming off a stretch of nine 14-hour shifts. She was tired but in good spirits.

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A Mere Flutter

Residency was challenging, and there were times when it felt chaotic.

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High Notes

She reflected on how her resilience was born from moments of shared mirth amid life's trying chapters.

Digging In

“Life is complex and dirty, but digging in is important to me,” she said. “Maybe if more of us understood history, we could understand each other better.”

Seams

We are expected to research, contribute to scholarship, earn grants – all on our own time.

Rescue

We are expected to research, contribute to scholarship, earn grants – all on our own time.

The Waiting Room

Every day, I try to see through the patient lens, and I ask: what can we do to change this broken system?

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Captain of My Ship

He had been a primary caregiver for his father, doing all the hard tasks

Caregiver's Notes

She was very proud of her daughter and has hopes for “a bright future that’s as pain free as possible”

We Can Be Kind

“I’m trying to focus on doing little things to make people feel better during everything that’s going on in the world,” she told me.

what gives

“It’s hard to see others struggle,” she said. “How can I help with their struggle without struggling myself?”

Black Girls Sing of Freedom

"I'd tell her it's OK to be loud...it's OK to challenge and to bring all of you into these spaces where no one looks like you..."

Delicate Hope

She was in the depths of transition and change in this “concentrated time.”

Safety Is A Six Letter Word

Retired from the military, she was brought back into nursing during the COVID pandemic.

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New Year’s Evolution

“I'm continuously questioning: did I do it right?" she said. "I’ve always done a good amount of second-guessing, but I’m re-learning how to show up differently.”

Wrapped

“It’s weird,” she said. “This is one of the biggest accomplishments of my life, but it doesn’t feel like it.”

Libation

"It changed me; It changed the way I look at life," said this woman about her profound experience during her pregnancy.

Our Own Legacy

“I’m not in a good place with everything happening in the world,” this poemee said.

An Impossible Choice

“It’s been more challenging than normal lately,” she said. “I’m only one person. It's a struggle for me to say no, but I can’t do everything that’s being asked of me right now.”