She was tired after working twelve straight days on her current rotation.
It was her third year of medical school, and she was already feeling burnt out.
“I have five more years like this,” she said. “My sister tells me, ‘Keep pushing, you can get through it,’ but I don’t know if I can. Today I had my shelf exam and it went horribly. I don’t see what else I could cut out to study more or work harder.”
“I look around and my classmates seem to be doing fine, getting engaged, getting married even. And I’m not even dating! I’m going to figure it out, it’s not like I don’t want to be a doctor any more, I’m just so tired of waiting for the ‘later’ when it’s supposed to get easier.”
Listener Poet Frankie Abralind
Association of American Medical Colleges
September 2020
PPE
COVID nineteen
may not be here to stay
but my med student life
feels less live every day.
Trips, parties, and brunches
with friends, now and then;
hangouts, and dinners,
and dates, sprinkled in–
these balancing things
have been absent since March.
I lack PPE
for protecting my heart.
So, I’m tired. I’m not
giving up, but somehow
I have got to get through
the discomfort of now.
“I always believe, no matter what the doctor says, that I will be cured,” she says as her sister sits next to her.
“I wonder if these medical professionals, in caring for people who face such insurmountable odds, walk around all the time carrying this weight I’m hauling now.”
He had been trying to cope with the grief ever since and was on a quest for soul-searching and meaning-making.
She spoke about the ways this traumatic event shaped who she is today: a person with an “unshakeable peace” born of deep faith,
She wanted to help people feel comfortable and transform the shame around colon issues. "I want to talk about things that matter, the things people don't want to discuss.
When we met, she was coming off a stretch of nine 14-hour shifts. She was tired but in good spirits.
She reflected on how her resilience was born from moments of shared mirth amid life's trying chapters.
“Life is complex and dirty, but digging in is important to me,” she said. “Maybe if more of us understood history, we could understand each other better.”
We are expected to research, contribute to scholarship, earn grants – all on our own time.
We are expected to research, contribute to scholarship, earn grants – all on our own time.
Every day, I try to see through the patient lens, and I ask: what can we do to change this broken system?
She was very proud of her daughter and has hopes for “a bright future that’s as pain free as possible”
“I’m trying to focus on doing little things to make people feel better during everything that’s going on in the world,” she told me.
“It’s hard to see others struggle,” she said. “How can I help with their struggle without struggling myself?”
"I'd tell her it's OK to be loud...it's OK to challenge and to bring all of you into these spaces where no one looks like you..."
“I'm continuously questioning: did I do it right?" she said. "I’ve always done a good amount of second-guessing, but I’m re-learning how to show up differently.”
“It’s weird,” she said. “This is one of the biggest accomplishments of my life, but it doesn’t feel like it.”
"It changed me; It changed the way I look at life," said this woman about her profound experience during her pregnancy.
“It’s been more challenging than normal lately,” she said. “I’m only one person. It's a struggle for me to say no, but I can’t do everything that’s being asked of me right now.”
"I've been processing how to make the most of the small amount of life we have to live," said this physician.